Thank Shiloh November, and subsequently the November Moksha 30-day challenge, is almost over because I cannot do another hot yoga class with 45+ people. I was literally a sardine today, in more than just pose. And the girl squished in next to me had exceptionally stinky feet.
TMI?
You get to eat things like brown beans or humus for dinner without worrying about the consequences; you can watch Sister Wives in real time; you can wear your old gross slippers and no one will say "ew, I hate your old gross slippers"; and the house stays relatively tidy (Bert's hair notwithstanding...)
The disadvantages?
You miss them.
On my way out of the yoga studio last night this flyer caught my eye:
1. My SCENE card finally arrived so I can begin collecting those all important movie points.
2. A letter mistakenly addressed to "Mrs. Orange".
Guess which one I was more excited about?
This morning after yoga I made a quick pit stop at the local strip mall, or more specifically the pet store, for kitty food. On my way out, the cat who lives in the pet store was waiting at the door. Being that it's a busy parking lot I thought it best to ask, "um, I'm assuming she doesn't go out?"
"Actually she does" says the salesperson. "She's waiting for someone to take her to the tanning salon. If you're on your way out, can you take her?"
So I did. Actually, the cat more or less escorted me, all I did was hold open the doors for her, what with my opposable thumbs and all.
Strangest part? No one--not the pet store woman nor the tanning salon folks--seemed interested in explaining.
(sent via email sometime mid afternoon from his current remote work location)
"Just wanted to say hello. Miss you already... Please also relay a message to Bert for me. Tell him I'm disappointed in him and expect him to be more considerate in the morning hours... I expect him to complete his chores as I assigned him yesterday. To reiterate:
1) Monitor the toilet flow upstairs, I am concerned about the leaky check valve (due to the presence of paw prints on the lid I think he has this under control.)
2) Count the number of leaves entering the yard. I told him I need a numbers so I can purchase the correct number of leaf bags. His numbers were way off this past weekend... This is unacceptable.
3) General security duties, including a brief summary report submitted daily to both of us. I've asked him to include a count of the number of kids entering the yard, cars turning around in the driveway, and how many times troll lady stumbles around the ravine [this is the woman who lives across the ravine from us...]
Bert gave me some BS that he has too much to do and would not work in these conditions, he muttered something about slave labour but he had a feather in his mouth during this exchange making his meows difficult to interpret.
Please update me on his progress or lack there of. We may need to discipline him if this behaviour continues.
Love you
J"
 |
| (That's Cousin Toque in the red!) |
Orange: Did you hear? There's an asteroid headed towards Earth.
Library Lady: Mm...
O: I bet it's carrying the Mayans.
LL: Sorry, what?
O: The asteroid, it's carrying the Mayans back to Earth for 2012. No one knows what happened to the Mayans, you know...
LL: Uh, yeah they do. They live in Mexico, and Guatemala, and Belieze.
O: Whatever. The Mayans are coming back, and Transformers live on the moon.
LL: When you put it that way it's hard to argue with your logic.
... If this isn't under the tree for me, I'm officially boycotting Christmas. It's bad enough I have to live with the regret of not buying the t-shirt when I had the chance.
Please take this as a not-so-subtle hint, family.
1. Some kids are funny, like the two year old who came to my door tonight trying to give me her candy, or the toddler dressed as Spiderman sporting an out-of-place accompanying mustache, and the trio of Mexicans who closed out the night (who may or may or may not have been trick-or-treaters. They were kind of tall to be kids... And unlike the toddler Spidey, I think their mustaches were real...)
Some kids, on the other hand, are dinks. Like the kid who didn't want my candy because it wasn't a Twix bar. I followed him out to the yard and pushed him into the bushes. I'm lying of course... The Mexican gang in the driveway took care of him.
2. I found out today that a girl I went to summer camp with (with whom I probably haven't spoken to since) is pregnant for the second time. Fngers shared this news courtesy of Facebook, because--wait for it--she posted pictures of her pee stick.
And that's why I'm not on Facebook.
3. *sung to the theme of 12 days of Chrismas* "On the 38th day of autumn, the sweet Jebus gave to me... HEAT!" Yup. For the first time this autumn we have had heat in the house. A refreshing change after seeing my breath in the bathroom last Friday morning. And let me tell you, at a balmy 9 degrees in the house in the morning, that toilet seat was not a treat.
It's a state of the art furnace, however. I can load photos onto the thermostat as "wall art", it'll make me a perfect poached egg, and greet me in the morning while providing/playing the the MuchMusic top 40 for my daily shower. Oh, and heat the house. Only one of see statements is a lie. Can you guess which one?
*insert horror movie scream here*
In other scary news, 'tis near my favourite time of year (aside from Thanksgiving): Halloween. I am an immortal child when it comes to Halloween, and I'm not afraid to boast about it. I'm out. I'm proud. Get used to it.
Naturally, I'm busy as a Keebler elf preparing for the big event, and with Friday off I have ample time to put the finishing touches on my costume and purchase last minute items for Orange, who is taking me to Toronto for a party. I can't tell you what we're being, only that the two costumes are completely different and yet completely fabulous. I'll post pictures next week if I remember to take any...
Lil' C, however, is being a Garden Gnome, and you can bet your butters there will be pictures of that. Besides procuring and carving my yearly quota of pun'kins, all we have left to do is to make the annual trip to Costco for our Halloween goodies (yeah that's right... we give out full size chocolate bars... we're that house...)
Jealous?
Exhibit A: the Alkaline Water Tube. Who is paying $90 for this?! 102 people and counting, apparently. You've got a week left to buy if you're thinking about Christmas.
Exhibit B: the LitterHouse, which is "guaranteed to prevent Coprophagia" (I'll let you google the definition for that one...) I ask you--does this cat look happy about his miniature polyurethane Dallas-look-alike mansion? In fact, I'd wager McMeowsers here is more likely to poop on your pillow while you sleep than he is to do his b'ness in that box. 41 people disagree, however.
WagJag... Activate!
Why, I had a lengthy conversation about furnace exhaust and then fashioned a faux beard out of two yards of fun fur with accompanying jaunty pointed red felt cap. Naturally.
You?
Little Beef arrived home a couple of weeks ago to find a handful of flyers at her front door. Beef loves her some flyers, and at this time of year they can be extra awesome because of the Halloween goodies to be scored.
In she settles with her tea into her big comfy living room chair to start her browsing, choosing to begin her leisurely afternoon with the Party Packagers flyer. Perhaps she'll find inspiration for her own costume?
Perhaps not.
Needless to say THIS flyer is not from Party Packagers. Not to say Beef shouldn't get her costume here... If she does, I recommend The Wood Chipper (page 9). Maybe NSFW.
I have have been blessed with not one, not two, but three Granny's in my lifetime.
THIS is just crazy! I'd mug someone in a parking lot for a ginger kid. I giggle every time I see one on the street.
Poor unwanted gingers... Like they don't have enough knocks against 'em already...
I was in a recent email exchange with some folksies out West (Hurr_ah and Sleeves--librarians extrodinaire.) We don't have many opportunities to chat, but share email quips from time to time, like funny childrens books and "hey, I saw you in that library journal" type thing.
In this particular episode, Hurr_ah needed a venue to vent the fact she was sharing an office with someone who had eaten Itchiban soup at her desk, the smell of which was, well, gross. She feels strongly that Itchiban is an inappropriate eating-at-my-desk-in-an-office-I-share meal.
Now, at this point I had to pause and actually think about what Itchiban (ramen noodles) smelled like...? I can't say I've ever been offended by a Mr. Noodles but then I've never been trapped in a confined space with someone eating it. So, there's that. In condolensce, I relayed my own personal "food trauma": the day I rode an LRT car (subway) across the city with someone eating Kielbasa--as in, chewing it right off the sausage link--in the seat next to me. I just triggered my gag reflex thinking about it. To this, Sleeves announced she was once an offender, having eaten an egg salad sandwhich at her desk (in her defense, upon recognizing the stinky factor of her meal she stuffed the sandwich in her mouth and masticated it... Hee hee... masticate.)
This long story leads me to my question: what would you consider to be an inappropriate eating-at-my-desk-in-an-office-I-share meal?
I am ridiculously grateful for the time I'm granted there. Lucky doesn't begin to describe having some place like this to go; someplace like this to even dream about, or think about when the day is particularly awful.
There are so many things I love about Orange's grandmother's cottage: the gift of early morning sun on the dock; the stillness of the water at dusk (perfect paddle boating weather); the smell of cedar in every blanket, towel, and bed sheet; the quirky old stove; the overstuffed bookshelf full of classic novels and trashy paperbacks, boardgames, Lincoln Logs, and puzzles. I love the sound of acorns falling from the trees and hitting the bedroom roof--the first sound you hear in the morning and the last sound you hear at night. But if I had to pick a "favourite thing" I think I'd have to choose this:
